I’m a complete fucking failure

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Remember that time I vowed to quit smoking, except I didn’t but then I quit again only I didn’t really? Like this guy, except not as hot or covered with tattoos? Dear God, I’m a complete fucking failure! I have a really good excuse though. I’m an addict!

I’ve always viewed smoking as a bad habit that I need to break, but in truth it is more than that. It’s a real fucking problem.

“To successfully quit smoking, you’ll need to address both the habit and the addiction by changing your behavior and dealing with nicotine withdrawal symptoms.”

I’m like, shut up with this already. I know what I need to do. It’s just really, really hard.

The first rule I made was not to smoke at work. Now it has to include my time with others, especially those who don’t smoke. Eventually I will be done with this once and for all. That’s a good thing. For as independent and self-reliant as I am, sometimes I need a little help. It is extremely difficult to admit that, even though I know it’s not a sign of weakness. If anything, asking for help shows courage and willingness to change.

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  • anthonyriva

    I like the idea of restricting yourself from smoking when at work and with your guy, especially because, as you've pointed out, that's pretty much all the time anyway! :)

    But it's important to have the right motivation. You need to quit for yourself, because it benefits your health just as much as the health of those around you. And only when you are truly *done* with it, will you be free. If you put others in that box, then you might resent them for "making you" quit when deep down inside, you're not ready to quit or you don't have that right motivation to convince you that you really need to stop.

    Addiction is a funny thing and without the right internal drive, it's hard to commit to it no matter how many people in your life have repeatedly urged you to stop or advised you on its hazards. You alone have the power to stop, and that's what's scary and strengthening at the same time.

    Of course, take my advice with a grain of salt. Especially since I've started smoking again. Oops! :|

  • http://www.betterby30.com Westopher

    I totally agree that it has to be for me. And I do want to quit for myself, but my generally steely willpower has faltered in this case, time & time again. I'm trying to look for reasons outside myself — such as being aware of others like my coworkers, friends and bf. They don't smoke and it's just gross to subject them to that.

    Hopefully this new approach will allow me to continue to cut back to the point where it is not a daily habit; that's where I want to be with it right now.

    In my recent research, I found a helpful device that simply asked you to list the reasons you want to quit (I like making lists). It gave some examples, like having a child or not wanting to smell like smoke. Instead of being focused purely the health reasons — which alone should be enough but hasn't been — I really began to think of all the people affected by my smoking.

  • Barbara

    I think the main thing is that you keep trying to quit. I tried to quit hundreds of times for many different reasons before it finally stuck.

    I was going to stop because it was bad for me, then it was because it made my clothes smell bad, then because it stunk up my house and then because my ex-BF didn't like it. I finally stopped because i was too lazy to put on clothes to go the store to buy more when i ran out. How crazy is that?!

    I am fairly new at being a non-smoker (I stopped in May) so i still have those days when i would kill for a cig. So far i haven't committed the crime.

    Good luck and keeping trying. Something will click in to help you stop.