After stuffing my face over the past four days, my insides continue to expand even though I put a stop to the gravy train last night.
Seriously, I can actually feel myself growing bigger — like when you pop open a canister of Pillsbury rolls and you’re all like, ‘Where’d all THAT come from? It’s twice as big as the can!’ You can’t imagine how anybody managed to stuff that in there in the first place.
If I explode, which is likely, people will want to know how I fit that much in my tummy to begin with. Sheer force of will is keeping everything in at this point.
I keep looking down at my stomach because I’m convinced it’s going to pop out into a massive gut any moment now. I’m pretty sure I just felt a jiggle.